To Whom it May Concern

Hey guys, first of all, thank you to anyone who clicked on ads and made me money! So I want to address something that may seem like it's grossly out of place in the middle of summer, Football (aka the greatest sport on Earth ever). I assure you that my dedication to the sport spans the off season as well and if you read NFL.com threads like I do from time to time, you would see that this is relevant. To those of you who don't like/care about football, go back to watching Twilight and soccer and listening to Justin Bieber, nobody is forcing you to read this (though I do appreciate it).

Dear Brett Favre haters,

I do admit I was once like you, hating everything Brett stood for. That; however, was back when he wore that disgusting green and yellow uniform. Now that he's in the magnificent purple and yellow of the best team in the history of any sport period (aka The Vikings), I have learned the error of my once jealous ways. Now, I admit, he did kind of lose the NFC championship for us but, one interception does not a season make. All I hear from the haters is "he needs to retire already and stop this attention whoring". Listen up douche nozzle, he left the Packers because they wanted to bench him for Aaron Rodgers. Fine, Rodgers is a capable QB and Favre is up there in age, can't blame them. Thing is, Brett thought he had more years left in the old arm (which he did) so he left. I would have done the same thing, you would have done the same thing, hell, everybody would have done the same thing. He had a bad year with the Jets, thought about retiring, then decided against it and signed with the Vikings. He had a GREAT year (anyone would with that amazing team behind them), got beat up a little and is thinking about retiring again. I think the man has the right to contemplate retirement, he's fucking old. Hell, by NFL standards he's fucking ancient! I'm sick and god damn tired of hearing all the hate towards the man. Did he beat your pathetic team on your birthday or something? Face it, penis wrinkle, he's a damn good QB and about a million times better than your pudgy, lonely ass will ever be so shut your damn mouth before I shut it for you! Also, stop saying the Vikings were carried by Favre, he's good, but remember '08? The Vikings went 10 and 5 and won their division WITHOUT FAVRE and with golden boy Aaron Rodgers throwing for Green Bay (who didn't even make it by the way).

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

P.S. Please check out my friend Dominique's website at http://www.dominiqueonline.com/ especially if you like photography.

P.P.S. Saints Fans (or those of you who are Saints fans after last season which, coincidentally, is every Saints fan) when The Gunslinger does come back, we're gonna kick your pansy asses all the way back to New Orleans come September 9th. Look forward to Drew Brees's head flying off when he comes face to face with this beast

Dzien dobry! So I've been a giant slacker douche lately and haven't posted anything, I apologize. I've got a doozy for you tonight though, I think everyone can get into this one. Without further ado...

Dear rich punkasses,

So I'm driving down the road, minding my own when I pull up to you two little pricks on the side of the freeway. One of you had a Mercedes SLK Kompressor, the other a brand new BMW 6 series. Neither one of you was a day over seventeen. Now seeing this just annoyed the living hell out of me. I mean, you two little douche fucks just picked out a car and your spineless parents obliged. You probably still had the fucking gall to bitch about color too. Spoiled little shits! Now, like I said I was merely annoyed at the site of you two fucks. That is until I noticed that the reason you were on the side of the road was because you had just crashed into eachother. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! You have the fortune of having been handed a beautiful piece of machinery (however undeservedly) for free and you crash the things? Into eachother? You god damn morons. To make it worse, it was on a massive curve so I can only imagine you douchebags were racing. How can you have the audacity to take something that so many people dream about and strive for and just throw it away because you wanted to get your little piece of shit rush. I hope your respective parents spent the insurance money on bus passes for your irresponsible asses. Lord knows that's what I'd do, after severely beating you that is.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

First of all, anyone who hasn't seen the movie which shares it's moniker with the post you are reading, DON'T! It's probably the worst movie ever written, ever! (except maybe Titanic). That being said, today's rant is following a common theme that I like to re-visit from time to time, traffic.

Dear crotch rocket douche bag,

I know, I know, owning a crotch rocket is just so fucking cool. I mean, I just can't understand why, while flying down the road with your bad ass crotch rocket douche jacket, you don't get ladies just flying at you like you're the mall on the day after Thanksgiving! I am so extremely jealous of your bad assery that every time I see one of you, I go home immediately and beat myself up for being so damned lame. In case you couldn't tell, jackass, I'm being sarcastic. I'm writing this to let you know that just because you're a giant shit head and own a crotch rocket, doesn't give you the right to drive like a complete ass. You're constantly weaving in and out of traffic, driving in between cars and cutting people off just so you can get back up to 150 and impress the living shit out of... well, no one actually. If I was less of a person, I would ram my car right into your fucking side and watch you fly. I'm all about respecting motorcyclists and keeping an eye out for them on the road; however, you motorcyclists need to respect us regular drivers too. Otherwise, you lose all of my respect you douchy piece of rotting trash of a person.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

Happy Tuesday everyone! Hope yours was not as shittacular as mine. Between work being so slow we watch movies everyday with few customer interruptions and the stress of recently discovering I owe 35 grand to Chandler Regional Hospital, life has been less than desirable. At least I have music to look forward to... Wow, after proofreading that even I thought I was going to kill myself, damn. Don't worry about that folks, I enjoy the weekends far too much to off myself due to the week! Anyway... on to the lashing. Please check this website out in connection to the following rant: http://www.latfh.com/

Dear Hipster,

Words cannot describe my contempt for you, but I'll try anyway. I think I'll just list the things that "define" you, things that you are so very proud of but in all reality make you a giant douche.

• Fashion: I know it took you hours of searching to find that vintage, mustard yellow cardigan that will go perfectly with your skinny jeans, birkenstocks and worn out "Harry and the Hendersons" T-shirt, but it makes you look retarded. Here's a hint, don't try so fucking hard to look like you're sooooo unique and you might end up standing out a bit from your douchetastic friends.
• Music: I'm sorry, but no matter how you look at it, Elliot Smith is just plain horrible (readers who disagree... suck it! you're wrong). Don't even get me started on Radiohead. Furthermore; your need to constantly point out that you listened to Modest Mouse "before they were on the radio and they were better back then" is just fucking annoying. Eat a dick, dude. I still like them, so sue me.
  
• The "Lifestyle": What the fuck dude? You have to shower man! You smell, get on it. Also, you can quit with your "holier than thou" attitude. I'm sorry my parents' aren't paying for my bachelor's degree. I'm also sorry I don't have a "kick ass" job at the Apple Store or the Campus Coffee House or wherever the hell it is you work you pretentious asshole.

In conclusion, prickface, you're not even remotely close to nearly as fucking cool as you think you are. In fact, I'm pretty sure the whole world wants to knock your ass out.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

So there is a lot going on politically in my home state right now. You may be asking yourself "Why hasn't Chris tackled Immigration law yet?" Well the answer is simple. I WILL NOT blog about politics. Sorry. First and foremost, it might turn off readers. Second, I find political debate to be boring and counter-productive. And finally, I just don't give a rat's ass! That being said, it's been awhile since I've posted anything but I promise the rants will be coming with more frequency henceforth. Once again I encourage anyone to leave comments, it helps motivate me by letting me know you're reading. Now let's get on with it, shall we? (This actually happened 2 years ago, but I have to see this jackass every year so it still irks me)

Dear Fat Fuck kid at the Paradise Valley Jazz Festival,

God, let me just start by telling you how jealous I am that you can play saxophone like every other bad ass who ever existed (read Kenny G). I am just so disappointed in myself for playing rock guitar... I suck... If you haven't sensed my sarcasm yet, you're a bigger dumb fuck than I thought. Let me put it to you straight son, when we chatted two years ago, I asked what you played. You told me sax. Pink Floyd being the only non jazz sax I could think of, I jokingly asked if you knew any. Your response was "No, you have to have an IQ of 5 to play rock music". WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? God damn I wanted to kick your pudgy little ass. I told you that you had better watch your mouth around people you don't know and you walked away red faced like a coward. But you weren't finished, you had to get the last word in so you told me "If rock music is so good, why do these people all pay 200 bucks a piece just to get in here?" Well, you stupid ass, rock bands draw crowds of 40,000 plus so they don't have to charge that much. Plus, all your adoring jazz fans have an average age of 85. Good luck with all the ladies flashing those flapjacks to get a piece of you backstage, tubby. Point is, I should have kicked your ass up and down that place then, but I let it go because I was working. However, I now have seen you both times I've worked it since said incident and you feel the need to say something to me everytime. Leave me the fuck alone! Seriously! I am actually considering finding out when your piece of shit big band plays and waiting outside to beat you senseless afterward. You smug, fat, ugly, virgin, untalented piece of fucking donkey shit.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

Hey guys, so I'm not gonna lie, life's been pretty good to me as of late. I've been uncharacteristically not pissed, sorry about that. Luckily for you, I got some inspiration after reading a comment on my last entry by my good friend Whitney, thanks Whit. It goes in line with my last entry but I'm going to focus on the service industry this time, this one really gets to me.

Dear bar/restaurant patrons,

Have you ever had a job where you were required to serve and please someone? Obviously not. You're so self absorbed that you can't realize that you're the only fuckhead in the whole place who is dissatisfied with your service. You make damn sure everyone in the place knows it too. You complain, first, that you were seated at a table that is not to your liking. Second, service takes way too fucking long and you are just so damned important that you can't be bothered with waiting for food. Last but not least, you complain that the food tastes horrible as if that is somehow the server's fault (or do you just like to complain to make yourself seem relevant?). You use such phrases as "I come here all the time and usually the service is great" or "Are you new here". You, my friend, are quite simply an asshole. Does it really matter what table you got seated at or are you just that unhappy with your life that you need to complain. Seriously, every time I hear one of you twats raising your voice for everyone to hear, I want to walk over and strangle you until you can speak no more. What do you do for a living? Whatever it is, I'd like to show up to your workplace and treat you like you are the worst fucking scumbag of a human being that ever walked the earth and see how you like it. Then, you have the gall to not tip. You know what, fuck you! That's how these people make a living. If the service is bad, tip 10 or 15 percent at least. Servers are people too, you raging douche bag! I'm glad I've never worked as a server or bartender because I would probably lose my job after about a week of putting up with pieces of shit like you. Servers, I commend you!

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

First off I'd like to thank my readers. I know a few of you who read regularly, others need to either become followers or start commenting so I know who you are! Ummmm... It has been brought to my attention that I might gain a wider audience by toning down the foul language. Now, profanity is kind of just "how I am" so it would be hard, but if you guys think it will benefit the posts, let me know either in the comments here or on Facebook. For now I will remain filthy until I've a firmer grasp on my readers' needs. Now on to the main attraction!

Dear American consumers,

You've always been an arrogant bunch, haven't you? Treating retail workers like pieces of shit to make your own miserable existence seem worthwhile. Well guess what, fuck off! I've worked a number of retail positions in my day and I've a few bones to pick with you assholes. First of all, there's the pretentious "you're here to serve me" attitude. You know what, I'm here because it's a paying job that I can't afford to live without. I could give two shits about you and you're precious dinner party or tile job or whatever the hell it is you happen to be here for. When you treat me like shit, saying things like "Don't they train you here" or "What, you guys don't keep anything in stock around here?" or "is there someone else I could speak to?" or "Isn't it your job to help customers, well you haven't helped me at all." it doesn't scare me into submission or make me feel really bad that I couldn't help such a fine human being. No, it actually makes me want to kick you in the throat and beat you repeatedly with whatever blunt object I can find. Yet I won't do anything because I'm at work and I wish to keep my job. And that's the thing, would you speak to me like that if the circumstances of our exchange were different? Say, if I was just some guy on the subway you happened to engage in conversation? No, you absolutely wouldn't because you are such a coward, you have to get your aggression out on someone who won't do anything about it. You are a pussy. Straight up. Second, and I've addressed this before, don't show up two minutes to closing time then take your sweet time making the largest and most complex order you could possibly think of. I know you think the world revolves around you, but we retail workers have lives outside of serving your aloof ass. In other words, if it's close to closing, get in, get your shit and get the fuck out. Be courteous for once in your damn life. Fuck.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

Finding it hard lately to get pissed off at things. Am I losing my touch? God, I hope not.

Dear sign spinner guy on the street corner,

You're actually pretty fucking awesome! With your cool spinning moves, doubtless practiced daily. Anyone could do your job, but with such style? I seriously doubt it. You stand there, gracefully throwing your ad around like there's no tomorrow. I'm sure you get all the ladies, of course. I don't know how they could resist. Sign spinner man, you are my hero.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

See, tricked you guys with that one, huh? Now for what you really came here for, I'm taking on grammar and spelling today...

Dear a whole shitload of people,

I understand that no one is perfect. Hell, I'll even admit that Mr. High and Mighty himself (that being me, of course) makes the occasional spelling and grammar error and has punctuation skills that are, on their best day, let's say "sloppy". That being said, it's one thing to make the occasional mistake and quite another thing indeed to do what you guys do on the daily. Following is a list of things that just piss me the hell off:

• Should of. As in, "I should of known I had no chance when she called me an imbecile, but I never learn." This ought to be "should HAVE" and that ought to be common knowledge for any native English speaker. You might want to find a mirror, your idiot is showing.
• Their, There and They're. Not that hard to figure out people! They're looking for their dog, I think it's over there by the school. If you can't figure it out after reading that, I have no hope for you.
• Spelling in general. I know everybody makes mistakes, I mean some words are pretty tough to spell. Onomatopoeia, for example. (and yes, I absolutely used Google to make sure I spelled that right) But when I see things like "defently" or "I think the Vikings are going to loose", It just gets to me. It's like a cheese grater slowly moving back and forth across my soul. Dramatic yes, overreaction? I think not.
• Text speak. This is kind of irrational but I just absolutely hate it. We're not 14. Please write to me like we're adults. The next time I hear someone use the term "lol" in real life (or "irl" if you're too damn lazy to write it out), I might have to punch them.

Don't even get me started on you retards who, after years of the same lesson in English class EVERY year, still can't figure out the difference between a noun, a verb and an adjective. This is all fairly simple stuff. I can't express to you enough how much it bothers me that you can't get it through your thick skulls.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

P.S. I'll throw this in for my friend Brad. People who say "supposably", the word is supposedly. It's not that fucking hard to say either.

Hello everybody! So after a much needed seven hour nap, I'm extra motivated to get shit done. First order of business, find a second job. Hopefully I'll find one soon. I think maybe I'll clean my room today too. On to business! (I've covered this one on Facebook before but, as it's a daily problem, it warrants a second go.)

Dear Arizona drivers,

Do all of you just lose any semblance of intelligence anytime you're behind the wheel? I mean, it feels like I'm surrounded by retards every time I leave my house. There's the extra douchey habit of not using your turn signals. Come on people, it's not that fucking hard to flip that little switch. In fact if you'd like, I can personally show you how it's done after kicking your ass. Then there's those of you that slow down to like thirty when they see a cop or one of those damned cameras. What is the deal with you guys? Those things only take your picture if your eleven miles per hour OVER the speed limit! You know the speed limit, right? It's that number they post on those handy little signs ALL OVER the place. You don't, I repeat, don't have to slow down below the speed limit. Get that through your thick skulls because that one really pisses me off. And last but not least there's the people on cell phones. Like your conversation is so effing important that you can't wait five minutes until you're out of the car. No, you HAVE to talk right then and since you are so stupid you can't do two things at once, you automatically start going about twenty five and driving like a complete dumbass. I'm talking swerving, cutting people off, almost sideswiping fools, the list goes on. Anyway, I'm sure there are more reasons to hate the drivers in this lovely metropolis, but I can't think of any right now, feel free to comment with some. And to all of you horrible drivers out there, get the fuck off the road or at least get out of my way, please.

Sincerely,

Chris Goretcki

Over the years, I've come to realize that I completely DO NOT understand women. I don't know if this is all men (I'd like to think it is) or I'm just totally inept at picking up women. Anyway, I know I have some female readers so ladies, feel free to comment and shed some light on this one.

Dear girl I met in the bar on Friday,

So there's something I just don't get about what went down. I introduced myself and two of my friends to you and two of your friends. I singled you out as the one I thought was cutest and paid the most attention to you. We seemed to hit it off great, in fact, I think I even did everything right for once (asked a lot of questions about you, paid attention to all your answers, offered witty and interesting banter about said answers, didn't come on too strong etc.). So night went great, we went out to smoke and you said "Well I'm moving to Tempe (from Scottsdale), you said you were moving to Tempe, we should hang out." or something along those lines. I saw it as my in and asked for your number. You gave it to me and had me call you so you would have mine. Now here's where the issue starts. Why, then, when I sent you a text, did you not even bother to respond? Why waste all night talking to me, give me your number, then ignore me? It makes no god damn sense to me, woman! You could have just said "Fuck you douche face" right from the get go, or after talking to me and finding I was interesting but not enough to warrant further interaction, you could have refused the phone number. It's easy, just say "You know, it was nice to meet you but I just don't think we're right for each other." Something along those lines. I'm sensitive but I'm not that sensitive, I would have got over it. Now, I'm just rather annoyed that I got my hopes up for no reason (trust me, that sucks worse). I'm not going to rant about this any longer or say "fuck you" or anything like that because I'm not a bitter asshole. I just wish I understood your reasoning is all.

Sincerely,

Chris Goretcki

Well hello there. How is everyone? I'm great, easy day at work and kickball tonight, it doesn't get any better. Now, I could probably spend a whole year blogging about the various things in Wal Mart that I find annoying. Seriously, as soon as I enter the parking lot of that accursed place my heart rate rises and I see red. I don't know why, it just does that to me. Every time I go there I almost have an aneurysm by the time I've left. For now though, I will only berate one jackass.

Dear man behind me in the check cashing line,

I have this thing, it's a bit neurotic, but it is what it is. I don't like people standing/walking behind me. I don't know why, it just bugs the shit out of me. Now you, in your particular brand of fuckhead, decided to stand not only behind me, but about two inches from my fucking back! Seriously man? I kind of wanted to turn around and punch you in the throat. Then, while you struggled for breath, I would have kicked you in the balls for good measure. I understand that maybe I'm the only one with this "people behind me" paranoia, but isn't it common courtesy to give people like a three foot bubble of personal space? And the worst part was that there was no one behind you. Are you just moronic or did you think I was really cute or something? Because you were so close to me, I could feel your heavy, fat ass breathing and smell your eau de sweat. You, my friend, are an ass hat. Don't be like that man.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

Man updating a blog every day is hard work when you have a shit ton of other crap to do every week. Well today sucked, the first thing I had to face (as soon as I walked in the freaking door at work) was the fact that I had loaded up the wrong tile for someone a few days ago. Well my boss was pretty pissed because the stuff I loaded needed to go to a different customer (we don't keep extra tile in stock). I had to drive to the store where the tile was and load it into my car and drive it back to work. Not so bad, but then I had to face the wrath of my boss in the form of him walking through the warehouse ALL day and finding every little thing he could for me to do. I am worn the fuck out. Anyway...

Dear douche bags,

God DAMN you piss me off. With your striped shirts and popped collar (the kind that goes perfect with your spiky hair and suspiciously feminine Gucci sunglasses). I hate every fiber of your being and I'm pretty sure most people are with me on this one (can I get a hell yeah?). Look, the thing is you really do look retarded driving around your leased beamers and trolling the clubs trying to pick up other guys' girlfriends. Then there's your stupid ass macho attitude like "I take steroids and wear Affliction shirts, look how fucking bad ass I am, I'll take anyone in this bar." Never afraid to act like a complete asshole to compensate for your own insecurities. Well, here's some news man, there are plenty of people out their who can kick your ass and kick it well. The problem is, you hang out in Scottsdale and on Mill where all their is are other douche bags who are just as big of pussies as you. I really hope one of these days you stroll into the wrong place, run your mouth and get your ass kicked so thoroughly it takes the spray tan right off your manscaped face. You, my friend, are a douche and no one likes you, especially me.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

Whew! Took a weekend off and it was great! I think I'll blog on the weekends too from now on though. I felt bad depriving people of my particular brand of awesome. Let's see... not much in the way of news so I'll head straight to business.

Dear NFL players,

I know you'd like us to think that you're like everyone else, you like to party and occasionally get a little too drunk and make a dumb ass move that gets you into trouble with the law. Serious trouble. Well guess what, I have no sympathy for you. I'm 26 fucking years old. I'm older than a lot of you, been partying just as long as most of you and am only a couple years younger than a few of you. I still have managed to never get into serious trouble at a bar. You've got that retard Plaxico shooting himself in the leg at a club (what the fuck???). You've got Ben Roethlisberger (sp?) who can't keep his wang out of unwilling vagina. And now, you have Santonio Holmes accused of throwing a glass at a woman's eye causing lacerations. Seriously guys, you're not in the fucking ghetto anymore. You don't need to carry guns around and abuse women for street cred anymore. And to you Big Ben... I don't even know what to say to that. It's a real testament to your ladies man skills that you have Super Bowl rings and millions of dollars in worth and you still have to rape 'em. What the fuck are you thinking man? Now, me being a huge football fan, I have to listen to all the soccer loving pussies out there tell me how football sucks because the players are thugs and criminals. Thanks a lot assholes! And what's with the Steelers? Now you have two retards on your team? Good going higher ups, way to pick a solid team. I know there are thousands of other cases of rage inducing stupidity in the NFL but I'm too tired to think of anymore than those three. Comment if you have another you want to bitch about.

P.S. Just remembered Michael Vick, he's beyond stupid. He's evolved (devolved?) into a piece of shit.

I'll just jump right into the rants today as I really have nothing positive to say today. Also, it's going to be 2 short ones today instead of one long one because it's Friday, it's my damn blog and I feel like it.

Dear NAKAD Kickball,

So this season I decided to create and captain my own kickball team through your fine organization. I conversed with one of your admins through e-mail so I would know exact deadlines. I was told by said admin that the season would start April 2nd and I needed to have 12 players signed up by then. Why, then, did I receive an e-mail today informing me of my team's removal from the roster? I was never told anything about 3/26 being the cut off. Are you guys that inept over there that you can't give me proper information? And not only that, you also threw me onto some team called Team Cowabunga. I don't want to play for those jackasses! Seriously that's the best name they could come up with? I bet these guys were really cool in 1992. Thanks guys, now I look like a douche because I have to tell my friends they can't play because our team was removed. Screw you, fuckfaces.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

Dear City of Tempe,
Do you have some sort of irrational hatred toward gas stations? I cut a 6 mile swath across your fine city and found not a one. What if I really needed gas, like 1 mile from now? Wait, I'd be screwed because your genius mayor enacted his beautification act which removed all functioning gas stations from your town. I realize your whole municipality is lousy with hippies, but that doesn't mean everyone who travels through rides a beach cruiser they bought on craigslist everywhere they go. Also, there are ample amounts of transients but not a single gas station. Those have nothing to do with each other, I just wanted to take another jab at you. Fuck you Tempe, fuck you very much.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

Well fuck me. It looks like Mr. Cold took a day off to rest and come back tenfold. I don't mean to keep bitching about this damn thing but alright, I get it. You're a big bad ass cold that can get in my body and fuck me up. Now move along please. Anyway, day 3 here we go...

Dear kids these days,

What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm talking about guys wearing girl pants. I'm talking about spiking your hair up like David Bowie in "Labrynth". I'm talking about the horrible music(I'm looking at you, Hollywood Undead). I'm talking about guys wearing makeup. My only question is, are you considered cool at your respective high schools? (I haven't been to a high school in a number of years so I'm not sure) Please, someone fill me in. Also, where are the metalheads, greasers or jocks to beat the living crapshitfuckballs out of you on the daily? I kind of want to spend my Saturday at the Chandler Mall, in full berserker mode, grabbing every one of you fuckheads and smashing you into the nearest wall until I beat the retard out of you. Seriously, you guys look like douche bags. Don't even get me started on the girls who hang out with you.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

P.S. I'll leave you with a link to the video that sparked this rant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TH5ibABP4U&feature=related
Tell me that doesn't piss you off at least on some level

Alright, day two...

I already have 5 followers which is pretty cool. All of them are family or friends but cool nonetheless. Thanks guys! I'm feeling a little better than I did yesterday which is always a plus. I always end up getting a cold right around this time of year and it really pisses me off, you know? The worst part is it fucks with my ability to sing karaoke which may not sound like a big deal but trust me, it is. I mean it's only my favorite part of the damn week. Anyway, on to the ranting...

Dear Big D customers,

I really cannot comprehend what the hell is so difficult to understand about a huge stop sign saying "STOP employees only beyond this point". Seriously people, I know most of you never made it past the 7th grade but really? Then there's those of you who just have a sense of entitlement because you come in twice a week and buy 2 sponges and a tube of caulk so you think you're hot shit. Well guess what, I don't give a flying fuck who you are or how big of a hurry you're in! That sign isn't there because we at Big D are dicks and feel like making our customers walk an extra 20 feet to the front door. It's there because I'm not used to people other than myself being in the warehouse and I fly around those corners on my forklift with exactly that mentality. Honestly, I would not feel all that bad if I ran you over but I would probably lose my job so I like to avoid this possibility. Furthermore, I don't know if you've ever witnessed someone being run over by a forklift, but I have and it's not pretty. So how about we A) learn how to read and B) once learning said trait, learn to follow directions then I won't be looking for work and you won't be brutally maimed or worse. Deal?

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

Hi everyone. Thanks for visiting and all that. This is my new blog where I'll be posting rants, raves and occasional drunken musings for you all to enjoy. Anyway this is my first post, hope you like it and continue to follow. Tell your friends!
I'll start off with something positive. I went to a Fear Factory show last night at the Marquee theater and it was fucking awesome! I never really got into Fear Factory that much but after the show, I'm definitely going to get some of their music. After the show we headed to Sonny's in Chandler where I was hoodwinked into a lap dance by a black stripper. She appealed to my ego by saying I needed to man up and get one, unlike my pussy friends. She also said I was cute and had style. I know she was bullshitting me but the woman was half naked on my lap, it tends to mesmerize you, trust me. Anyway, now to the rant.

Dear virus infecting my body,
Fuck you! Don't you knows that everyone hates you? I mean seriously, your whole goal in life is to enter my body without permission and fuck it all up so I feel like ass. What kind of piece of shit are you? If I could shrink myself to microscopic proportions and somehow enter my own body, I would hunt you down and beat the holy bejesus out of you. I mean c'mon! You need to get your priorities straight young man. Time to start doing something positive with your life.
Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki.