To Whom it May Concern

Dzien dobry! So I've been a giant slacker douche lately and haven't posted anything, I apologize. I've got a doozy for you tonight though, I think everyone can get into this one. Without further ado...

Dear rich punkasses,

So I'm driving down the road, minding my own when I pull up to you two little pricks on the side of the freeway. One of you had a Mercedes SLK Kompressor, the other a brand new BMW 6 series. Neither one of you was a day over seventeen. Now seeing this just annoyed the living hell out of me. I mean, you two little douche fucks just picked out a car and your spineless parents obliged. You probably still had the fucking gall to bitch about color too. Spoiled little shits! Now, like I said I was merely annoyed at the site of you two fucks. That is until I noticed that the reason you were on the side of the road was because you had just crashed into eachother. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! You have the fortune of having been handed a beautiful piece of machinery (however undeservedly) for free and you crash the things? Into eachother? You god damn morons. To make it worse, it was on a massive curve so I can only imagine you douchebags were racing. How can you have the audacity to take something that so many people dream about and strive for and just throw it away because you wanted to get your little piece of shit rush. I hope your respective parents spent the insurance money on bus passes for your irresponsible asses. Lord knows that's what I'd do, after severely beating you that is.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

First of all, anyone who hasn't seen the movie which shares it's moniker with the post you are reading, DON'T! It's probably the worst movie ever written, ever! (except maybe Titanic). That being said, today's rant is following a common theme that I like to re-visit from time to time, traffic.

Dear crotch rocket douche bag,

I know, I know, owning a crotch rocket is just so fucking cool. I mean, I just can't understand why, while flying down the road with your bad ass crotch rocket douche jacket, you don't get ladies just flying at you like you're the mall on the day after Thanksgiving! I am so extremely jealous of your bad assery that every time I see one of you, I go home immediately and beat myself up for being so damned lame. In case you couldn't tell, jackass, I'm being sarcastic. I'm writing this to let you know that just because you're a giant shit head and own a crotch rocket, doesn't give you the right to drive like a complete ass. You're constantly weaving in and out of traffic, driving in between cars and cutting people off just so you can get back up to 150 and impress the living shit out of... well, no one actually. If I was less of a person, I would ram my car right into your fucking side and watch you fly. I'm all about respecting motorcyclists and keeping an eye out for them on the road; however, you motorcyclists need to respect us regular drivers too. Otherwise, you lose all of my respect you douchy piece of rotting trash of a person.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki