To Whom it May Concern

Happy Tuesday everyone! Hope yours was not as shittacular as mine. Between work being so slow we watch movies everyday with few customer interruptions and the stress of recently discovering I owe 35 grand to Chandler Regional Hospital, life has been less than desirable. At least I have music to look forward to... Wow, after proofreading that even I thought I was going to kill myself, damn. Don't worry about that folks, I enjoy the weekends far too much to off myself due to the week! Anyway... on to the lashing. Please check this website out in connection to the following rant: http://www.latfh.com/

Dear Hipster,

Words cannot describe my contempt for you, but I'll try anyway. I think I'll just list the things that "define" you, things that you are so very proud of but in all reality make you a giant douche.

• Fashion: I know it took you hours of searching to find that vintage, mustard yellow cardigan that will go perfectly with your skinny jeans, birkenstocks and worn out "Harry and the Hendersons" T-shirt, but it makes you look retarded. Here's a hint, don't try so fucking hard to look like you're sooooo unique and you might end up standing out a bit from your douchetastic friends.
• Music: I'm sorry, but no matter how you look at it, Elliot Smith is just plain horrible (readers who disagree... suck it! you're wrong). Don't even get me started on Radiohead. Furthermore; your need to constantly point out that you listened to Modest Mouse "before they were on the radio and they were better back then" is just fucking annoying. Eat a dick, dude. I still like them, so sue me.
  
• The "Lifestyle": What the fuck dude? You have to shower man! You smell, get on it. Also, you can quit with your "holier than thou" attitude. I'm sorry my parents' aren't paying for my bachelor's degree. I'm also sorry I don't have a "kick ass" job at the Apple Store or the Campus Coffee House or wherever the hell it is you work you pretentious asshole.

In conclusion, prickface, you're not even remotely close to nearly as fucking cool as you think you are. In fact, I'm pretty sure the whole world wants to knock your ass out.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki