To Whom it May Concern

Finding it hard lately to get pissed off at things. Am I losing my touch? God, I hope not.

Dear sign spinner guy on the street corner,

You're actually pretty fucking awesome! With your cool spinning moves, doubtless practiced daily. Anyone could do your job, but with such style? I seriously doubt it. You stand there, gracefully throwing your ad around like there's no tomorrow. I'm sure you get all the ladies, of course. I don't know how they could resist. Sign spinner man, you are my hero.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

See, tricked you guys with that one, huh? Now for what you really came here for, I'm taking on grammar and spelling today...

Dear a whole shitload of people,

I understand that no one is perfect. Hell, I'll even admit that Mr. High and Mighty himself (that being me, of course) makes the occasional spelling and grammar error and has punctuation skills that are, on their best day, let's say "sloppy". That being said, it's one thing to make the occasional mistake and quite another thing indeed to do what you guys do on the daily. Following is a list of things that just piss me the hell off:

• Should of. As in, "I should of known I had no chance when she called me an imbecile, but I never learn." This ought to be "should HAVE" and that ought to be common knowledge for any native English speaker. You might want to find a mirror, your idiot is showing.
• Their, There and They're. Not that hard to figure out people! They're looking for their dog, I think it's over there by the school. If you can't figure it out after reading that, I have no hope for you.
• Spelling in general. I know everybody makes mistakes, I mean some words are pretty tough to spell. Onomatopoeia, for example. (and yes, I absolutely used Google to make sure I spelled that right) But when I see things like "defently" or "I think the Vikings are going to loose", It just gets to me. It's like a cheese grater slowly moving back and forth across my soul. Dramatic yes, overreaction? I think not.
• Text speak. This is kind of irrational but I just absolutely hate it. We're not 14. Please write to me like we're adults. The next time I hear someone use the term "lol" in real life (or "irl" if you're too damn lazy to write it out), I might have to punch them.

Don't even get me started on you retards who, after years of the same lesson in English class EVERY year, still can't figure out the difference between a noun, a verb and an adjective. This is all fairly simple stuff. I can't express to you enough how much it bothers me that you can't get it through your thick skulls.

Sincerely,
Chris Goretcki

P.S. I'll throw this in for my friend Brad. People who say "supposably", the word is supposedly. It's not that fucking hard to say either.